Day 18 of 21
When Church Hurts
“Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.”
Matthew 18:15 — KJV
Jesus does not build a church of people who never hurt each other. He builds a church that knows what to do when it happens. The instructions in Matthew 18 presuppose offense — they do not begin with 'if,' they begin with 'when.' Hurt in community is not an exception. It is an expectation, and Jesus takes the trouble to give guidance for navigating it.
Many people have left communities — churches, small groups, faith families — carrying wounds that were never addressed and never healed. The hurt is real. Sometimes what happened was genuinely wrong, and walking away was the right and necessary thing. But sometimes the distance has calcified into a permanent posture: never again. And that posture, while understandable, ends up punishing every future community for what one community did.
The health of our community life is often determined by what we do with hurt. Do we address it directly, as Jesus instructs, with the specific person involved? Do we process it with appropriate others without spreading it further? Do we allow it to be heard, forgiven where forgiveness is possible, and moved through? Or do we carry it silently until the weight of it closes us off from everyone?
If you have been hurt by a church or a Christian community, your pain is not smaller than what you experienced. It is real. But there is a question worth sitting with: is the wound healed, or is it still defining you? Is there something that needs to be said, or forgiven, or released, that has not been?
Community asks more of us than isolation does. That is why it forms us in ways isolation cannot.
Root Practice
Root Practice: If you are carrying a wound from a church community, spend time today writing about it — not to rehearse the grievance, but to honestly ask what healing might look like. Is there a conversation that needs to happen? A forgiveness that needs to be offered? A counselor or pastor who should hear this? Name the next step, however small.
Today’s Prayer
Lord, you know the places where community has wounded me, and I do not want to minimize those wounds before you. But I also do not want to be defined by them forever. Help me to know the difference between a distance that is wise and protective, and a distance that is keeping me from the life I was made for. Where healing is possible, lead me toward it. Where forgiveness is needed, give me what I do not have on my own. Amen.
Journal Prompt
“Is there a wound from a faith community that you are still carrying? What would genuine healing look like — not the same as pretending it did not happen, but actually moving through it?”
Write in Journal →